Be Seen. Be heard. Be you.
Elyce Kiperman-Gordon, MS, LCMHC, NCC
How many times a day do you say “I should’ or I must”.
Those words seem like they are getting you motivated, but when your are anxious or stressed, it can be paralyzing or make you feel defeated.
You focus on what you ‘must’ or what you should’ and trying to live up to that expectation.
Do you say things like …
“I should stop eating carbs”
“I must be walk every day”
“I must finish everything on my to do list.”
“I should’ve known better.”
I shouldn’t have said that.”
When you use ‘should’ or ‘must’, but you don’t achieve the outcome, it can feel like you failed. It puts you under a lot of pressure to do that exact thing. But they sneak into our thoughts and statements anyway. We don’t even realize how often we use them.
The first step is to catch yourself when you use these phrases. Notice if you are doing it in a negative state.
Instead of using “I should”, you can say “My goal is to eat less carbs.” Be more intentional with your statements.
Use statements like “I want to walk every day.” Or I” prefer to walk every day.”
Instead of “I should be better at writing emails.” Use “I want to learn to write better emails.” Or “It’s important to me to get better. I will practice more.”
The goal that you really want is to make a change. Realize that sometimes you won’t be able to what you set out to do.
Acknowledge that something “could” change or you “would like” it to be different, it helps you to get there in a more constructive way. Embrace value-driven language that allows room for change and takes off unnecessary pressure.